Anxiety

Just to fill you in. . . back in 99/00 I was diagnosed after going to Mayo in Roch and a series of tests, (I seriously thought that I had a brain tumor and was going to die!) that I have Panic Disorder. They put me on Paxil. I took it for 2 weeks and decided that I didn't want to live on medication for the rest of my life. Told myself that this was all in my head. I went to a therapist a couple times that gave me some technics on how to calm myself down in the middle of an attack, got out of a stressful relationship and things seemed to look up. Since then, the attacks have been far and few between, we are talking a couple every 6 months or so. No biggie.
Until the past couple weeks. . . they are back. And I am "almost" ready to freak out. I had them for 8 hrs. straight last night at work. I really thought I was gonna lose it on the way home! If you have no idea what these attacks are, it is really hard to explain. . . but you get super hot, start to hyperventilate, feel like the world is closing in on you, kinda like you can hear things and feel things but aren't in your own body. As well as the brain is thinking abt a million things all at once and you just can't shut it off. Sometimes if I feel a weird small pain somewhere in my body, it triggers an attack. I totally think that there is something wrong with me and I am gonna die. Which is totally worse now that I have Hunter because I fear very much abt. dying while she is little and not being able to see her grow up. This seriously scares me. And sometime these stupid bad thoughts go through my head abt. accidents that "could" happen and what I would do or how sad I would be.
There are couple of reasons that I think might be bringing these attacks back into my life. #1: I have had a cough for 5 months. I have been to the doc. several times and we are trying to pinpoint the cause, they say the chest xray is clear. This freaks me out. I am too young to have a cough like this. They say it could be linked to allergies. So, For the past couple months I have been taking 12hr. Allegra once a day as I feel I needed. The doc. wants me to take it twice a day for three weeks to see if the cough subsides. Now, I have NO idea if allergy medication is linked to anxiety, but these attacks have become WAY worse since I have been taking them twice a day. Now mind you, I really don't like taking drugs, and the thought of having to take meds everyday instead of on an as needed basis bothers me. So WTF? I have no idea. I am not gonna take those pills today and just see if my night at work is better.
I also think I need to see the doc. again and see what link if any there is to these meds. Maybe too, there is an anxiety med. that you don't have to take everyday, only during an attack to chill me out that I could get?? Anybody know anything or do I really sound frickin loco??
Outty.